The death of a spouse is one of life's most profound and challenging experiences. Beyond the immediate grief, surviving spouses often feel intense loneliness. This loneliness can have significant emotional, physical and mental health consequences, making the journey through grief even more difficult.
Emotional impact
As Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor, author of "The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss," notes, "Losing our one-and-only overwhelms us because we need our loved ones as much as we need food and water."
Her research, including brain scans, uncovered how grief affects the brain's wiring. She explains that the loss is seen as a puzzle because it is looking for information and it becomes confused when that information is no longer there.
Daily routines, once shared with a partner, now become reminders of their absence. Special occasions, anniversaries and holidays can amplify feelings of loneliness, making these events especially difficult to navigate. Additionally, the surviving spouse might experience a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to guilt and anxiety, all of which can contribute to a sense of isolation.
O'Connor writes, "Grief is a heart-wrenching painful problem for the brain to solve, and grieving necessitates learning to live in the world with the absence of someone you love deeply, who is ingrained in your understanding of the world."
Mental health
Mental health can be severely impacted by the loneliness that follows the death of a spouse. Depression and anxiety are common among surviving spouses. Many refer to "brain fog" because grief can affect concentration and memory, making it difficult to perform everyday tasks. In severe cases, prolonged loneliness and grief can lead to more serious mental health issues that require professional intervention.
Physical health
Loneliness after the death of a spouse can also manifest physically. The stress and emotional strain of grief can lead to various health issues. due to more than a usual amount of cortisol, or the "stress hormone," is released into your bloodstream in the six months after the loss of a loved one.
You may experience:
Insomnia
Weight loss or gain
Weakened immune response
Increased chances of illness
Inflammation and joint pain
Muscle tension
Impaired balance
Exhaustion
Digestive issues such as stomach cramps, diarrhea, constipation, ulcers, and irritable bowel syndrome
Broken heart syndrome, a form of heart disease with the same symptoms as a heart attack
The body and mind are interconnected, and the emotional impacts of a spouse can take a significant toll on physical wellbeing.
Coping strategies
While the journey through grief and loneliness is deeply personal, there are several strategies that can help surviving spouses cope and find a path toward healing.
Seek support from friends and family. Talking about your feelings and sharing memories with friends and family can help alleviate the sense of isolation. It's important to accept offers of assistance, whether it's for running errands, attending social gatherings or just having someone sit and talk with you.
Join a grief support group. Connecting with others who have experienced a similar loss can be incredibly comforting. Grief support groups offer a safe space to share your journey and hear others' stories, which can provide validation and understanding. Many support groups are facilitated by trained counselors who can offer guidance and coping strategies.
Engage in activities and hobbies. Being active can provide a positive distraction and a sense of purpose. Whether pursuing interests you already have or taking up a new hobby, doing so can help fill the void left by your spouse's absence. Activities such as gardening, painting or reading can be particularly therapeutic.
Volunteer and give back. Volunteering can be a fulfilling way to redirect your energy and focus on the needs of others. Helping others gives a sense of purpose and introduces you to new people, potentially building a new supportive community around you. It's a meaningful way to connect with others and alleviate feelings of loneliness.
Self-care. Maintaining physical and mental health is crucial during this difficult time. Regular exercise can improve mood and reduce stress. Even simple activities like walking can have a positive impact. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor specializing in grief can provide personalized support and coping strategies. Practicing self-care by ensuring adequate sleep, healthy eating and engaging in relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga is also essential.
While the journey is deeply personal and unique, finding ways to take care of oneself can provide comfort and help navigate the difficult path toward healing. The grief from the death of a spouse does not usually require professional intervention because it is a natural and instinctive response to loss. However, those who are grieving may find that seeking help from a healthcare provider, therapist or other professional can be beneficial to their process. There is never anything wrong with asking for help whenever it may be needed.
