Common myths about grief
Misinformation creates myths—and once they become popularly known, these untruths can be challenging to correct. Discussing the facts about grief helps break down these stigma-creating barriers and address concerns appropriately.
Myth #1: There are five stages of grief and you'll be healed after you complete them.
FACT: Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross did some incredibly ground-breaking work in 1969. In "On Death and Dying," she proposed the patient-focused, death-adjustment pattern, the "Five Stages of Grief," that included denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Her focus was not about the grief of loved ones after they've lost someone, even though the concept has made it into the mainstream and caused confusion over the years. Additionally, much has been studied and learned about grief since then, including the fact that these stages are not linear and do not happen in order. It's even possible that you could experience each of them within a day's time. Further, there are no steps to take to feel completely healed, but you can regain strength and live productively with grief.
Myth #2: There's a right way and a wrong way to grieve.
FACT: Your feelings are your feelings; whatever they may be, they are the correct way of addressing your grief. People often feel societal pressures to fit into a norm. However, every person grieves, copes and adapts differently. Some people like to talk about the person who died, while others prefer to write, create art or listen to music. Some people may want to watch comedic films, while others may seek quiet times to meditate. These differences can arise even within a family where each family member finds whatever works for them.
Myth #3: There is a timeline for grief.
FACT: People who lose a loved one often wonder when the pain of grief will end. While seeking a standard is natural, there is no designated timeline. Some people begin to feel better after they take bereavement leave and start back to work. Other people grieve for months or years. Grief takes as long as it takes. Experts often say there is no end to grief; you move through and live with it differently. Most people experience grief in "waves" that may ebb for a while, allowing you to feel better, but then a memory triggers strong emotions and deep sadness. For those who may feel "stuck" and continue to experience intense feelings that interfere with their daily life one year after their loss, it may be time to seek extra support.
Myth #4: Grief only occurs after a death.
FACT: Grief is a natural response to loss. It can occur after death, but also a divorce or other shift in a relationship, illness, moving, financial decline, job loss or other significant loss. Experiencing a non-death loss may feel especially isolating. It is important to validate your emotions, give yourself grace and seek support from friends or a professional.
Myth #5: Grief is only a feeling.
FACT: Many people equate grief with emotions such as sadness, but it also impacts cognitive functioning and can manifest physically. For example, a grieving person may have confusion, short-term memory loss, difficulty making decisions or suicidal thoughts. Additionally, their balance may be off, or they may have headaches, sleep disturbances, fatigue or digestive issues.
Myth #6: Crying shows weakness.
FACT: Crying is how the body naturally reduces and processes emotional stress. Many emotions occur surrounding loss, including anger, fear, loneliness and resentment. Crying shows bravery and strength in expressing emotion. Experts have found that those who hold back their emotions following a loss will eventually have to face them later. However, some people find they are unable to cry after a loss, usually because they are in a state of shock. This response to grief is not incorrect or inappropriate; it is just how the individual processes the loss.
Myth #7: You can only feel grief if you knew the person who died.
FACT: Grief does not require you to have a personal relationship. People can experience grief for public figures, celebrities or well-known community members whose work, influence or presence has impacted their lives significantly. The connection might stem from admiration, inspiration or shared values and experiences. It is also possible to grieve for people who perished in war, natural disasters or tragic events. We grieve because we feel a part of what defined us–whether that's a feeling of our youth, safety or comfort–is gone.
