Parents do not have to handle the grief of suicide all by themselves. Help is available. You and your children have access to different kinds of support during this most difficult time of crisis. Here are some strategies that may be of help.
For you
When you're grieving, it's essential to take care of yourself. By taking care of yourself, you take care of your children. Some ways to do this include the following:
Get the support you need. You don't have to grieve alone. Seek our family, friends, neighbors, mental health professionals, suicide loss support groups and faith communities. If you or your loved one is an active member, the military community can also be helpful. Don't hesitate to reach out for help.
Pay attention to your health. Proper sleep, healthy eating and light exercise can help you manage your emotions. Try to resist the natural urge to curl up on the couch for long periods of time. Also, avoid using drugs and alcohol to numb your pain. Only use prescription medication under a doctor's direction, and only drink alcohol in moderation. Get counseling help right away if you find yourself relying on drugs or alcohol to cope.
Don't expect to just "get over it." When a loved one dies by suicide, you may experience a lot of emotions all at once. You may feel shock, guilt, confusion or even anger. These are all normal thoughts and emotions. Be patient with yourself as you cope and grieve—the grieving process takes time. Loss is not something you "get over," but you can move forward with your grief.
For your children
During this time, your children will have their own needs. You can help them in the following ways:
Tell the basic truth. Kids are smart. Even young children know when you aren't telling them the truth. If you hide something from them, you could make them anxious. To avoid this, talk about suicide in an honest, but age-appropriate way. Do so in an environment that makes them feel safe.
Answer questions. If your kids need to talk, one of the best ways to get them to open up is to encourage them to ask questions. Answer their questions as honestly as possible. If you feel that your kids are having a hard time talking to you, consider getting professional grief counseling services as a family.
Stick to your daily routines. Kids need consistency, and routines let them know that they can count on certain things no matter what the circumstances are.
Remain as calm as you can throughout the first days. In the first few days after you lose your loved one to suicide, you may have a lot to do as you cope with your loss, and your kids may need you now more than ever. Try to stay as calm as you can. If you can't handle everything you're facing, get some help right away.
Make sure your kids know that they are not responsible. Children often feel that someone's suicide is their fault. Reassure them that what happened is not their fault.
Memorialize your loved one. Honor your loved one by holding a memorial service, making a scrapbook, taking part in an awareness walk or other special event. Be sure to celebrate your loved one's life. Don't fixate on how your loved one died.
Look into resources. The National Suicide Lifeline can be of assistance. Call 988 or 800-273-TALK (8255).
Source: Department of Defense
