When parents have had one or more miscarriages, stillbirths or neonatal deaths, having a successful pregnancy or adopting a child is a treasured event. The term “rainbow baby” first appeared in a 2008 book, “Our Heartbreaking Choices: Forty-Six Women Share Their Stories of Interrupting a Much-Wanted Pregnancy” by Christie Brooks. It has taken root in the mainstream via social media.
Infant deaths
A stillbirth is the death of a baby before or during delivery. Both miscarriage and stillbirth describe pregnancy loss, but they differ according to when the loss occurs. In the United States, a miscarriage is usually defined as the loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy and a stillbirth is the loss of a baby at 20 weeks of pregnancy and later.
About one pregnancy in 100 is affected by stillbirth, and each year, about 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States.
While losing a child is common, there is still a stigma surrounding such a profound loss. The concept of a “rainbow baby” implies the silver lining after the storm. Some psychology experts note the term is comforting because of the joy parents can experience after hardship and pain whether recent or in the past. It is a way to honor a new child and destigmatize infant loss.
Emotions with a rainbow baby
When parents learn they are pregnant again, many emotions may arise, including:
Joy
Excitement
Gratitude
Anxiety
Grief
Fear
Guilt
There is no specific way you should feel during this pregnancy because the emotions following a loss do not have a set timeline. It is important to understand you do not need to feel pressured to grieve in a particular way or to conceive within a particular time frame.
Finding support
When considering whether to have a rainbow baby or during pregnancy, it is helpful to find emotional support. Obstetrician offices are a good first resource for finding a therapist or support group in your area. Other resources include nonprofit organizations:
March of Dimes: Focuses on maternal health risks with the aim to prevent preterm and infant death.
Children's Bereavement Center: Enables children and families to acknowledge change, adjust and to integrate loss with healthful grief and mourning.
First Candle: Committed to helping babies reach their first birthdays.
