Grief is an inevitable part of life, yet it remains one of the most challenging emotions to navigate. While some people find ways to cope and heal, others may struggle to address their grief, leading to various physical, emotional and behavioral reactions. Understanding how grief might manifest different ways is crucial when providing support and intervention.
How grief might show up instead
Here are some common ways people might act out if their grief goes unaddressed.
Anger and irritability. These feelings may be directed towards oneself, others or the situation causing the grief. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), unresolved grief can lead to various mood disturbances, including frequent feelings of frustration and irritability. People can become upset with the most minor issues or be aggressive or short-tempered with others.
Displacement. When grief goes unaddressed, it may cause people to displace their anger or blame others for unrelated issues. They may direct grief toward other events or situations that are not the primary source of their sadness. For example, someone may experience unusual road rage because they are grappling with grief.
Emotional outbursts. People with unaddressed grief may experience sudden and uncontrollable emotional outbursts, such as crying spells or intense sadness. These outbursts can occur unexpectedly and may be triggered by seemingly unrelated events, reflecting underlying unresolved grief. They may also have rapid changes in mood, from sadness to anger to apathy.
Depression and anxiety. Prolonged grief, according to the DSM-5, is grief that continues for at least 12 months following the loss of a close attachment. This grief response is characterized by intense longing and yearning for the deceased person or preoccupation with thoughts and memories of the lost person, pet, relationship or job. Prolonged grief can evolve into more severe mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Symptoms include persistent sadness, hopelessness, lack of motivation and excessive worrying. The American Psychiatric Association highlights that unresolved grief can significantly impair daily functioning and quality of life.
Withdrawal and isolation. One of the most common behavioral changes of grief is social withdrawal. Individuals may avoid social interactions and distance themselves from family and friends. They may also lose interest in activities they once enjoyed and opt out of events. With unaddressed grief, isolation can worsen feelings of loneliness and depression, creating a cycle that is difficult to break.
Substance use. To cope with the intense emotions of grief, some individuals turn to increased consumption of alcohol or drugs. While this may serve as a temporary escape, it often leads to more significant issues, including addiction and further emotional instability.
Risky behaviors. Engaging in risky behaviors, such as reckless driving, participating in sexual activity with strangers or other forms of self-destructive actions, can be a manifestation of unaddressed grief. These behaviors may stem from a desire to numb the pain or feel a sense of control.
Health issues. Many people are unaware that unaddressed grief can impact their physical health, causing unexplained health issues such as headaches, stomachaches, gastrointestinal concerns or chronic pain.
Changes in eating and sleeping habits. In early grief, cortisol (the stress hormone) levels rise. The "fight-or-flight" feeling resulting from this hormonal change causes people to have eating or sleep disturbances. However, over the months, if grief is not addressed, people may experience a loss of appetite or overeat as a form of comfort. Similarly, continued sleep disturbances, including insomnia or excessive sleeping, become common. These changes can further weaken the body and mind, making it more challenging to address the underlying grief.
Conflict and distance. Unresolved grief can strain relationships, leading to increased conflict and emotional distancing from loved ones. It can create misunderstandings and emotional barriers, making it difficult to communicate with loved ones and maintain healthy relationships.
Performance decline. Unresolved grief can lead to a lack of focus and decreased productivity at work or school. People may miss deadlines, deliver incomplete assignments, be late to meetings or class or withdraw from group projects.
Absenteeism. Increased absenteeism due to the emotional and physical toll of grief can negatively impact one's professional or academic life. Missing important meetings or tests can result in poor feedback. This can lead to a cycle of stress and decreased self-esteem, complicating the grieving process even more.
Grief is a complex experience unique to each person. However, recognizing manifestations of grief is the first step toward seeking help and finding healthier coping methods. Support from family, friends, mental health professionals, support groups or other trusted individuals can provide tools to navigate grief and move toward healing.
Sources:
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5)
American Psychiatric Association
Mayo Clinic
Journal of Family Psychology
