Anxiety is a common feature of grief that is often neglected because, unlike sadness, it is not something people immediately associate with bereavement. However, the period after someone dies can be stressful and make us feel like we've lost our sense of safety and control. While it is natural to feel anxious or worried about what might happen next (or even to worry that we might lose someone else in the future), it's necessary to take steps to recognize and find ways to cope with the anxiety.
Symptoms
Anxiety can feel different for everyone, but common symptoms include:
Feeling restless, wound-up or on edge
Being easily fatigued
Having difficulty concentrating
Being irritable
Having headaches, muscle aches, stomachaches or unexplained pains
Difficulty controlling feelings of worry
Having sleep problems, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep
After a profound loss, someone may have frequent and unexpected panic attacks. Panic attacks are sudden periods of intense fear, discomfort or a sense of losing control even when there is no apparent danger or trigger. During a panic attack, a person may experience:
Pounding or racing heart
Sweating
Trembling or tingling
Chest pain
Feelings of impending doom
Feelings of being out of control
Anxiety can also lead to physical symptoms, including:
Dizziness
Nausea
Dry mouth
Tiredness
A noticeably strong, fast or irregular heartbeat
Trembling or shaking
Sweating
Difficulty sleeping or staying asleep
Understanding anxiety
In "A Grief Observed," a book author C.S. Lewis wrote about his experience of bereavement following the death of his wife, he stated, "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.
At other times, it feels like being mildly drunk or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting."
During the COVID pandemic, CNN interviewed therapist Claire Bidwell Smith, author of "Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief." She noted that "Probably 70% of my clients have gone into the hospital for a panic attack following a big loss."
Grief can prompt existential questions about life, death and purpose. Contemplating these deep and often unsettling questions can increase anxiety as individuals search for meaning and struggle with the fear of their own mortality.
Ways to cope
Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions without judgment. As part of our survival instinct, the human brain is wired to detect threats and prepare for dangerous situations. Thus, it's important to recognize that it is natural to experience anxiety during the grieving process.
Validate those feelings and do not try to suppress or avoid. Doing so only makes you feel more disconnected from yourself.
Instead, focus on what you can control and take these steps:
Practice self-care. Eat nutritious meals, exercise regularly, and get adequate sleep to support your physical and emotional wellbeing.
Maintain a routine. Keeping a regular schedule can provide a sense of normalcy and stability.
Adapt relaxation techniques. Engage in activities that promote relaxation, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, yoga or progressive muscle relaxation.
Express your emotions. Writing in a journal, creating art or engaging in physical activities help release pent-up emotions.
Seek support. Share your feelings with trusted friends or family members. Joining a grief support group can also provide comfort and understanding from others who are going through similar experiences. Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief and anxiety. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic approaches can help you develop coping strategies.
Remember that while anxiety is a normal reaction to loss, excessive worry can interfere with your wellbeing and disrupt your daily life. Grieving rarely feels like a linear process, but adopting healthy coping skills and having guidance can provide comfort and relief.
