As a manager, your first responsibility is getting the job done. You ensure that deadlines are met, that you stay within budget, and that your employees have a safe and productive environment. A good manager also cares that your workers feel supported and valued and that they can contribute to your company's success. However, you know that this balance can be hard to find.
When a co-worker or person you supervise is grieving, when an employee is seriously ill or when an employee dies, the needs of the workplace and the needs of affected workers may conflict.
The suggestions offered here will help, but seek additional support if needed. Consider more in-depth training for supervisors and managers to prepare everyone to manage workplace grief.
Understanding your role
Know your company's pertinent policies and programs so you can offer appropriate support.
If the employee has not returned to work after the loss, stay in touch. Co-workers may be doing so, but supervisors should make sure they stay in touch as well.
Remember that this grief is necessary and not something to "snap out of." Create an environment where grief work can progress.
If your company has an employee assistance program (EAP), familiarize yourself with help if can offer. Ensure your HR office can also provide a list of community resources.
Set an example. Your caring support and professionalism will let everyone know that your company stands by its employees and encourage others to do the same.
Make sure that you take care of yourself, too. You have a lot on your shoulders.
Talking to a grieving employee
Before the employee returns to work, ask how you can help. Questions you might ask are:
Would you like me - or someone else - to share any information with the others?
What information and details do you want others to know?
Do you want to talk about your experience or would you prefer to concentrate on your work?
What are your needs for time? Privacy? Help with your work?
Listen carefully. The answers to these questions may change each day as emotions swirl. Keep asking, keep listening.
Acknowledge loss and grief. Don't wait until the right thing to say comes to you. There is no right thing. The wrong thing is to say nothing.
Personalize what you say. Shared feelings communicate more than good advice.
Avoid comparisons. What you know is how you feel, but we never really know another's feelings. Everyone's relationships and reactions are unique.
Offer specific help. Many people are too tired or numb to decide what help they need and co-workers may want to help with meals, transportation, child care. You can coordinate those gestures.
Expect to hear the story told again and again. Telling the story is a part of healing. You need to speak up if the time isn't right.
If you're uncomfortable, say so. Set limits.
A touch can communicate more than words to those who feel alone, but ask permission before you hold a hand or offer a hug.
Holidays and anniversaries are especially difficult for grieving people. Ask what you can do to provide extra support at these times.
Balancing compassion and responsibilities
Respect privacy. You may be hearing personal and privileged information that should not be repeated. Honor closed doors and quiet moments.
Expect tears. Like the rest of grieving, they're a common part of healing.
Watch out for other employees; vivid memories and feelings may surface. Some unspoken grief may become noticeable.
Include the grieving employee in social plans. It's easy to assume that they won't feel up to it, but a lighthearted outing may greatly help someone who is feeling isolated.
When tasks need to be re-distributed, thank staff members for their extra effort. They're sharing both the emotional burden and the additional work.
Support the efforts of others to help the employee. This sad time can be an opportunity to increase staff awareness of the mutual support, teamwork, and the values that are part of your work together.
Expect the best from grieving employees. They need to know you have confidence in them but are expecting less than the best for a while. You can do both.
When an employee is seriously ill
Check sick leave and other policies that deal with the employee's practical concerns.
Keep in contact. Regular phone calls to the home or hospital say, "You're still part of the team."
Make sure you know what you can share and what is confidential. Honor those wishes even if you disagree with them.
Make plans to continue calls, notes and other gestures of support. These contacts can be reassuring to sick employees and their co-workers alike.
When an employee dies
The death of a co-worker can be devastating. This loss is felt in many different ways, depending on the relationships team members had with the person who died. Consider these steps:
Call an informal meeting. Give permission to grieve and to talk about feelings. If a death was sudden, accidental or violent, schedule additional times to talk.
Bring in help if you need it. Your employee assistance program, community crisis intervention team or local hospice can send a trained professional to work with staff or suggest additional help.
Let affected employees know of funeral and memorial arrangements and that they have time to attend.
Honor the person who died in an appropriate way. Collect money for a charitable donation, create a memorial book or bulletin board, or share a tribute in employee newsletters.
There's more help available
Since there's no single standard for grieving, it can be hard to tell if you're making progress. Whether you are grieving a loss or managing a workplace affected by grief, the advice and reassurance of experienced counselors may help.
How do you know if it's time to ask for help? There is no wrong time and there doesn't need to be an emergency. It may be valuable just to hear what's happening is a natural process of grief.
Perhaps you're aware that fatigue or feelings of isolation seem to be deepening or you notice physical changes in employees. If the grief emotions seem extreme, confusing or unmanageable, talking with a counselor can help.
If feelings of profound sadness lead you to worry about someone's safety, you should ask for help without delay.
The hospices in your area have trained counselors who specialize in grief work. Hospices care for patients and families who face life-limiting illness and continue to care for these families and friends after a death. Hospices usually offer their bereavement services to the community as well. They offer individual or group counseling and workshops on topics related to grief. They can also recommend other helpful services in your area.
Many businesses have arrangements with area healthcare and social service organizations for additional employee support. Employee assistance programs provide short-term help that is usually free to the employee and is always confidential. Managers and human resource offices can tell employees how to contact the EAP.
Community mental health agencies often provide counseling by appointment or may have walk-in clinics. In some communities, they also offer telephone advice lines.
Many private therapists, counselors, social workers, psychologists, and psychiatrists understand the issues of grief. Ask about their experience in this field when you make the appointment. Health insurance frequently covers their services.
Clergy of all faiths may have additional training in pastoral counseling. If your religious beliefs are important to you, find out if this help is available.
Many communities have critical incident stress management teams to help in crises. Knowledge of these teams should be part of management's crisis planning.
Remember, asking for help has nothing to do with being sick or in trouble. Asking for help reflects your decision to work through grief.
Source: American Hospice Foundation: americanhospice.org
