Grief is an emotional response to loss, but not all grief is treated equally.
According to Dr. Kenneth Doka, who pioneered the concept of disenfranchised grief, it occurs when a loss is not socially recognized or validated, openly acknowledged or publicly supported, leaving grievers without the help they need to process their emotions.
What is disenfranchised grief?
Disenfranchised grief can be challenging to process because it's often minimized or misunderstood by others. Some reasons may include:
The loss is stigmatized
It was a non-death loss
A bereaved person's relationship is not considered to be significant
The "right to grieve" does not fit society, community or work culture
Some examples of disenfranchised grief include:
Loss of a pet
Death of an ex-partner or roommate
Death of a co-worker
Loss in LGBTQ+ relationships
Stillbirth or miscarriage
Infertility
Loss due to addiction
Death by suicide
Death by murder
Victims of war
Divorce
Empty nester
Immigration or relocation
Parent whose child has transitioned
Placing a child up for adoption
Loss of identity due to retirement
Loss of abilities or health due to chronic illness
Estrangement of family members or breakup of friendship
Loss of financial status
People may be overlooked as grievers because they're deemed too young, not central to the relationship or disregarded due to cultural norms or mental disability. Disenfranchised grief can also include situations when circumstances are taboo, such as deaths from suicide, AIDS, drug overdoses, alcohol use or eating disorders that may lead to judgment and stigmatization.
Effects of disenfranchised grief
When grief is not validated, it can lead to emotional and psychological challenges such as:
Isolation and withdrawal. Lack of acknowledgment can cause feelings of isolation and withdrawal from social networks.
Mental health challenges. Suppressed grief may lead to depression, anxiety, or a prolonged grieving process.
Missed opportunities for healing. Grievers may struggle to rebuild their lives without societal acknowledgment, leading to feelings of powerlessness.
Recognizing disenfranchised grief
Grief can be disenfranchised by well-meaning but misguided responses from others. Comments may minimize the loss and leave the griever feeling lonely, misunderstood or isolated. These include:
"You have to stay strong and keep moving forward."
"Don't cry."
"The best thing to do is try to put what happened behind you."
"It's important to get back to normal as soon as possible."
"It's not like you were married."
"There's no point in looking for meaning in something like this."
"They did it to themselves."
"It's just an animal."
"You have other children."
Symptoms of someone who is experiencing disenfranchised grief are similar to those of complicated grief and have particular details, including:
The loss happened at least six months ago
Intense, distracting feelings of longing and loneliness
Feeling that life isn't worth living after the loss
Constantly feeling in shock or numb
Excessively avoiding or seeking places, objects or things that remind you of the loss
Obsession with the cause or circumstances of a death
Coping
There are several strategies that can help:
Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Recognize that there is nothing wrong with you. Whatever your feelings are, they're legitimate.
Be honest about how you feel. If a well-meaning person makes a comment or cracks a joke, explain that this loss is painful for you.
Develop a ritual or ceremony. Find a way to commemorate the person's passing. Visit the grave after the funeral or hold a private one when you can take as much time as you need to express your feelings.
Seek supportive communities. Joining support groups tailored to your specific loss can provide a safe space to share your grief. This includes online forums and social media groups.
Consider therapy. Counseling can help validate emotions and guide individuals through the healing process. One-on-one talk therapy and group therapy can help you understand and accept a loss. Therapists can provide a helpful outside perspective on your internal feelings.
Find creative outlets. Writing about the loss, painting or other art forms can help grievers validate their own experiences, even when others don't.
Reducing the stigma
Society plays a crucial role in acknowledging and validating all forms of grief. Here are ways to help remove the stigma of disenfranchised grief:
Raise awareness. Dr. Doka's research shows that education can reduce stigma and promote empathy for those grieving less-recognized losses.
Create inclusive spaces. Workplaces, schools and communities should foster environments where all grief is respected and supported.
Challenge stereotypes. Advocating for systemic change can dismantle barriers faced by marginalized communities and ensure everyone has the right to grieve.
By understanding its impact, supporting grievers and challenging societal norms, it's possible to create an atmosphere where every loss is acknowledged and every griever finds a path to healing.
