Many children have close relationships with family pets, and it can be challenging to break the news, especially if it is one of your child’s first experiences with grief. However, having a healthy conversation about death can better prepare them for future losses.
First steps
Consider talking with your child before your pet passes away if you know your pet will die or be euthanized soon. Doing so will help them be more emotionally prepared for the loss. Calmly tell your child you need to talk with them. This is a conversation to have in person. Find a place in your home where you both feel comfortable talking openly. Make sure you have your child’s attention.
What to say
As with most serious topics, a parent or guardian is the best judge of what to share with a child based on age and emotional maturity; this is a necessary conversation. Still, a loss is challenging to discuss and feeling nervous beforehand is natural and okay.
Be honest. You might be tempted to protect your child by telling them your pet ran away or went to live elsewhere, but they need to know the truth to grieve and heal. Avoid euphemisms like “went to sleep” or “passed away” since these can confuse young minds. You don’t need to go into detail about how your pet died, but you can say it was sick, had an accident, or was simply their time to die.
Explain euthanasia. If your pet will be or has been euthanized, explain that a veterinarian will use a machine to make your pet sleep, and then your pet’s heart will stop. Explain that this process does not hurt your pet and is the best option for them so they don’t have to live in pain.
Provide comfort. Your child’s initial reaction can vary, and they might feel many emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety or guilt. Listen to their feelings and tell them you are there to support them. It’s okay to express your sorrow or cry in front of your child; this lets them know that it is alright to grieve.
Answer questions. Your child may have questions about death if they are unfamiliar with loss. Answer these honestly using language they will be able to understand. These questions may seem strange, but remember, your child is just trying to make sense of the loss. Questions about the afterlife can be answered based on your family’s spiritual beliefs. Death is a complicated subject, and it’s okay to say “I don’t know” if you’re unsure about the answer to a question.
Be reassuring. Your child might be anxious about your pet’s wellbeing once they are gone. Let them know that your pet is not sick or in pain. They should be assured that they are not at fault and that your family did everything possible to care for the pet. Your child might also worry about dying. Reassure them that while everyone dies eventually, they don’t need to worry about their family, friends or other pets dying soon.
Moving forward
Saying goodbye. Use your best judgment to decide whether your child should be present during euthanasia or memorial events. Some children are mature enough to be able to handle these, and it can help them to gain closure. Provide alternative ways for your child to say goodbye, such as writing a farewell letter or creating an at-home memorial.
Keep your pet in your memory. The loss of your pet does not need to be ignored for your family to heal. Talk about your pet and the great memories you had together. Continue to support your child and be understanding if they discuss missing your pet. Allowing your child to draw and write about your pet can help them process.
